Valentine's Day Showdown
by Eternal Contradiction
Summary: A love letter was written and has fallen into the wrong hands. Now no one knows who it is for and it leads to a great deal of confusion between the pilots and the girls. It also leads to a romantic ending for all... maybe. nonyaoi
1. Letter Lover

My Love.

I can't go a day without feeling your lips upon mine.

You are my day, my night, my reason for living.

Valentine's Day is a day for lovers, for us.

Please meet me at the fountain tonight,

Your Devoted Worshiper

Thus starts:  **_Valentine's Day Showdown_**

**_Ch. 1; Letter Lover_**

Trowa finished typing his letter and slipped it on the desk of his loved one.    This was their first Valentine's Day together and he wanted to make it special.    What men and fools would do when they fall in love.

He quietly slipped out of the room; pleased with the fact he had got in and out without her grabbing her gun and threatening to shoot him.    He almost smiled at that, a sure spitfire she was.

Dorothy rolled over in her bed.   She grinned, he was back to watching her sleep again.   It was quite a romantic gesture for him to do; he was a teddy bear at heart.    If only her friends could be so lucky with their pilots. 

She drifted back to sleep; she loved him.    It came as quite a surprise to her when she figured it out.   Her last thoughts before she fell into the bliss we call sleep were that she now had everything she could possibly want.

Duo jumped in to Dorothy's room early the next morning.   It was day 3 of his mailroom punishment.   The first morning he had come to pick up the mail she had almost shot him, the second morning it seemed like someone was in here with her.   She was his favorite stop in the morning; it amused him to no end to see what she did in the morning.

She didn't do anything but gesture to where the mail to go out was.    He was disappointed until he got over to her desk.   On top of it was the sappiest note he had every read.    So Dorothy secretly loved him?   What was he going to do?

He had to admit she was pretty, in a weird sort of way.   She had finally got rid of the eyebrows.   It turns out they were just glue on and were a way to intimidate Relena.   The only problem was, Relena didn't really notice the eyebrows, and if she did she's way to polite to say anything.

He would have given some thought to meeting Dorothy at the fountain, but he cared too much for Hilde not to spend the evening with her.   He debate whether or not to leave her a note saying he couldn't make it but just then his superior officer came by and started to glare at him.   

"Come on Wu-man, your only my boss until I get out of the mail-duty, then you're my equal."

"We will never be equals, now move!"

Duo grumbled under his breath as he skipped out of the room.   The note was slipped in to the pile of mail in his hand.   Wufei continued to follow him around, glaring and keeping both his eyes on him.    Wufei's cell-phone rang in a little rendition of 'Man I Feel Like A Woman.'   Before answering it he turned the glare up a bit to tell Duo he would get him back for that.

"What do you mean you're having mailroom troubles?   I don't care if it is Valentines Day, there can't be that much mail.    Yes I do realize some of us are liked.    A ten-foot card to Relena!   Who was the pathetic loser who sent that?   The Gundam Pilots, what do you mean the Gundam Pilots.   Alright, I'll be down there in a minute to get it unstuck from the ceiling fan."

He hung up his phone, looking extremely irritated at the whole concept of mail.    "The incompetent fools, getting a card stuck in the fan.   Watch yourself Maxwell.   One mess up and I'll be on your back so fast you won't even hear me approaching."

Maxwell watched as his buddy walked away and congratulated himself on picking out the perfect card for the princess this year.   Nothing says love like a ten-foot Valentines Day card.   Talking about the princess, her room was the next one he had to pick up mail from.

She was still sleeping when he entered.   He went over to her desk and shuffled through the mail.   He picked up one addressed to Heero and held it up to the light.    He couldn't see any dirty secrets through the envelope so he held his lighter up to the tab, trying to steam it open.

Relena started to toss and turn in her bed.   Her dream had obviously turned nightmarish.   He watched her for a moment, debating on whether to wake her up or not.   A moment was all it took for the letter to Heero to catch on fire.   He tried to blow it out but this just ignited it more.   Finally he pushed it into a vase on the desk.   He then pulled out the charred, waterlogged card and put it in with all the other mail to be delivered.

Relena gasped in her sleep.   Duo looked at her, concerned.   He didn't know if it was a good idea to wake her up or not.

"No, please don't leave!" she screamed.

That cinches it; he was going to wake her up, he didn't want this nightmare of hers to go on.   She's too good of a friend for him to just leave not knowing if she was all right.   He dropped the mail on the table and went over to shake her away.   He was just leaning over her when she bolted up.   They banged head together.    Relena looked at Duo disoriented, and Duo shook his head ruefully.   

"That was one dream you were having Jousan."   He gave her a small peck on the forehead and squeezed her hand.   He went over to the desk and picked up all the mail, then left the room.

All the mail, but one love letter. 

Relena got up from her bed and headed towards the shower.   A peace of parchment covered with roses caught her eye.   She picked up the poem and smiled.   So Duo was trying to play another Valentines Day prank on her.   Last year he had sent her red lingerie and told her it was for Heero, which she promptly replied wouldn't look good on him.   He had thought she had misunderstood him, but that's what he got for assuming she didn't already own red underwear.

She read the letter again, just to make sure it was a joke and not from Heero.   She figured it couldn't be because Heero certainly could spend a day without her lips on his, he had spent his whole life like that so far.   She dropped the letter on the table and continued in to the bathroom, thinking of how she could get revenge on Duo.

Heero walked in Relena's room to make sure the princess had woken up.   He knew she was having nightmares lately, and also knew they were probably about him.   His untimely death, witnessed by her, and she was helpless to help him.   He wished he wasn't the cause for any of her pain, but that's all he seemed to cause since the day he washed up into her life.

He noticed the rose stationary lying on top of her desk.   After reading it, an incredibly livid Heero shot the stuffing out of a poor unsuspecting pillow.   In one hand was the paper, in the other his trusty gun.   Relena came running in the room from her bathroom wearing the aforementioned underwear.   Heero quickly stuffed the letter in a book lying on the desk.

"Did my pillow scare you Heero?   Maybe it moved or snuck up behind you.   Or is it a danger to my health?"

An extremely irate Heero stalked out of the room mumbling about getting Relena's secret admirer if it was the last thing he did.   He pushed by Quatre in the hallway and continued to stomp down the hall to his room, where he slammed his door so hard the plaster broke.

Quatre continued into Relena's room, but was considerate and polite enough to knock on the door first.   She open the door and ushered him in.   She walked into her room and started to pick feathers from everywhere, including one from Quatre's hair.

"What happened here, I heard shots?   It looks like someone butchered a synthetic goose."

"Mr. Trigger-happy is what happened.   He killed my pillow.   He scared the living daylights out of me.  I didn't even know he was in here.   That's Heero for you."

She walked over to her desk and picked up a book.   "Here's the book I promised to loan you Quatre.   I added a little note in there to tell you how I felt when I read it, hope you don't mind."

Quatre shook his head no and left the room.   Relena continued to clean feathers off her floor.   When she scooped down to get a large load of them she found the note she wrote Quatre on the floor.   So he wouldn't be getting a note.

But Quatre was getting a note, and he was reading it right now.   He didn't get farther than the first line when he fainted, down a flight of stairs.   When he awoke he jumped up and started to run, he didn't know where he was going, but he just ran.   Through he halls he run, like hell itself was on his tail.

He got to the dorm hall and continued his run down it.   Suddenly the door to Heero's room flung open and Quatre ran into it full force.    The plaster around it cracked even more as Quatre slid to the floor, the book coming out of his hand.

Heero picked up the book and leafed through it.   When he couldn't find the note he forcefully picked the reviving Quatre up by his lapels.

"Where's Relena's note?" he growled out.

"You knew it was there?" Quatre groaned. 

"I put it there."  Heero put Quatre down realizing he wouldn't be able to read the note again for clues if it was missing.   He wondered who Relena's secret admirer was, could it be Quatre?   He eyed a distorted Quatre wearily, as the poor boy tried to inch away from his fanatical friend.    Quatre jumped up and continued his run down the hall. 

He accidentally ran in to Duo.   He then blurted out he was running from Heero, who had just given a love letter to 

Relena.   This interested Duo an inconceivable amount as his eyes got starry, and he thought of ways to spy on his friends.   Quatre had finally calmed down when he realized Yuy wasn't on his tale and regretted telling Duo anything.

Meanwhile Heero was following Relena closely as she made her way downstairs for brunch.   She stopped to adjust her shoe and he walked in to her.   He grabbed her from behind before she fell.   At this moment Duo walked by and whistled at them.  "Way to go guys!   I knew you'd get together someday."

Heero settled for watching her from a few feet back, no use letting Duo get any more ideas.   Talking about Duo, could he be the man he was looking for?   He glared after him, even though he had disappeared from view a few moments before. 

As Relena continued to be stalked by Heero, who was being incredibly obvious, she thought of the irony of he being the one to stalk her this time.     Just to annoy him, and have a good laugh afterward she led him on a wild goose chase, and made plans to go to the mall later with Hilde.

Wufei was walking up the stairs heading to Sally's doctors office.    His foot stepped on a piece of paper on the landing and he skidded into the steps.   He bent over and picked up the article.    His eyes widened and he frantically looked around to see who would play such an unjust joke on him.    His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he thought he saw someone in the shadows.   The shadow passed and he contemplated that it may have been a trick of the light.

He bolted up the stairs and raced into Sally's office.   She almost jammed a needle into a patient's arm as the door slammed open against the wall.   Wufei scowled at the fact she was busy and sat on her filing cabinet.    He sat on a plastic lung and it acted like a whoopee-cushion, distracting Sally again.    Glowering he jumped off the cabinet and picked up the deflated lung, it popped back into shape and flicked him in the nose.    He threw it to the floor and started to jump on it.   It kept emitting farting noises on every jump.

Sally's patient finally left in tears, tears of mirth that is.    Sally turned around and fixed a glare of her own on the offensive pilot.   "What do you want Wufei?"

"I want to talk about this onna." He tossed the note at her, obvious thinking she had wrote it for him.

She looked at it and a slow smile crossed her face.   "You remembered about Valentine's day this year sweetie.   I was afraid you wouldn't.   You didn't recall last year, thank you Wufei."   Tears welled up in her eyes and she hugged him.   He apparently had been mistaken about her writing it.

"No!   We will not be meeting outside of some stupid fountain.   This is injustice!"

"What do you mean?   Are you telling me the note is not for me?"   She started to get a bit upset.   Wufei felt like the heel he is and tried to make up for his what his stupid mouth had said.  

"We will not meet at the fountain.   There has been a change of plans.   I'll get back to you on this."   He sped out of the room trying to think of something the least bit romantic.    The only romantic thing he knew of was picnics, and with all the snow outside that was deemed impossible.    He went in search of the ultimate romantic gesture.   That would be hard considering there probably wasn't a single rose left in the whole country.   You would think if that onna princess liked gifts so much on this day she would make sure there was an abundance of flowers.

He went in search of the only one who could help him, Quatre.   He was as much as a woman as women were, he could think like them.    Quatre however was having his own problems while picking up flowers for Catherine, all 12 dozen of them.

He had only got past picking up half of them and was on his way across town to another flower shop.   He had wisely ordered them months before.   He currently had 6 dozens roses in the backseat of his Mercedes and couldn't smell anything but the flowers.   To make matters worse he had just discovered he had allergies to the famous Valentine Day flowers.   He sneezed violently and swerved into the next lane.   A big burly man in a pick-up truck honked his horn and started to rudely yell at the Gundam pilot.   

Quatre's eyes started to water and he rammed into the bumper of the person in front of him.   A man, whom I will hazard a guess and say he worked at a gym, got out of the car in front of Quatre and strode over to the Mercedes.    Quatre, who was in no mood to be peaceful, and in no way could see how big and rugged this man was because of his watery eyes, got out of his car and faced the angry man.

The man tried to deck Quatre but at the same time the pilot sneezed and ducked a bit.   Quatre brought his head up fiercely and butted the man in the chin.   Quatre's eyes cleared for a moment since he had been away from the flowers for a few minutes.   He assessed the situation and decided the only choice he had now was to fight back.

Quatre punched the man in the eye and he reeled backwards.   The man and all the spectators looked in surprise at how the young man had decked him.    Quatre went over and helped the man up.   The man looked towards Quatre's car and his eyes widened in surprise at all the flowers.   Quatre followed his gaze and a grin broke out on his face.

"I'll make a deal with you," the big ugly man said.   "You give me some of those flowers and I'll forget about the dent you made on my bumper."   Quatre happily handed over a few dozen of the flowers and took off again in his car.    By the time he reached the other floral shop he could hardly breath.  

Talking about breath, Heero was snorting in anger as a skinny guy named Fritz sat down next to Relena in the mall.   He was a co-worker of hers who was always attempting to get her attention, a date, and her hand in marriage.   The loser couldn't even color coordinate his clothes for heavens sakes, men do not wear purple and orange, heck most women wouldn't wear those two colors together.   Heero had to give Relena credit for putting up with him.   At the moment he was too busy wondering if this man had wrote the poem, it was wussy enough.   

Fritz put his arm around Relena's shoulder and she moved a bit farther down the bench.    Fritz scooted closer and she moved a bit farther away.   Heero finally figured out she didn't exactly want to be around this guy and went to help her.

"Come on Princess, you and I could be wonderful together.   I wrote you a poem."  He cleared his throat and continued on.

"I admire you from afar and up close,

I admire you of all girls the most.

You light up my day,

Drive the darkness away.

But it can't be,

You're to good for me.

You see through me as if I'm a ghost."

Heero sneered at the awful poem and hauled Relena off the bench and into the nearest store.    Relena at the time just kept staring at the pathetic man who had written the worst poem she had ever heard.   He took that as a major accomplishment and put his thumb and pinky up to his face in a 'call me' gesture.    Relena sped up a bit and continued to follow Heero into whatever shop he was headed for.   Heero had no clue where he was leading them; as long as he wasn't going into a lingerie shop.    That would be too embarrassing.

They came to a halt in the center of the store.    Relena looked around the wedding boutique in surprise; Heero seemed to echo her surprise as he death glared a nearby wedding dress.    A bubbly sales person come over and asked if they needed any help selecting something for their wedding.   Relena politely replied it would be fine as Heero continued to burn a hole in a beautiful satin white dress with his eyes.

"Heero, are you trying to tell me something?"

He growled out no and started to head towards the door when Relena stopped him.   She pointed to a gorgeous concoction of silk and lace hanging on the wall.   He could practically see the wheels turning in her head.   He headed out the door doubly as fast.   Relena sighed and followed behind the love of her life.

Relena spotted Hilde across the mall; Heero had decided it was time to go.   He pulled her with him over to her friend.   Everyone was giving wide berth to the manic who looked like he was ready to pull out a gun at any moment.   A little girl who was in direct contact of the glare started to bawl her eyes out, Heero returned his glare to her and she wet her pants.   He scowled more and continued to pull Relena to the nearest exit; Hilde had been smart enough to know to meet up with them there.   Heero continued to speed walk out the door and into the parking lot.

A little old lady in an Oldsmobile crashed into him.   He stopped the car with his hands a la superman and continued to stalk across the lot to his high-tech 007ish sports car.   The girls wisely ran after them.

At the same moment one of their friends was running through the halls.   Duo couldn't find Hilde anywhere.   He wasn't really paying attention when she said she was going to the mall.    He skidded to a stop when he heard Dorothy singing to herself in her room.   The song was about some kind of long awaited love and it made Duo remember about the letter, of which he had no clue what happened to.  

He started to feel a bit guilty about not being able to go, and hurting her feelings by letting her show up and he not even planning to be in the same vicinity.   He opened the door and let himself in, peeked to make sure she was decent, and headed over to her bed, upon which she was lying on.    

"Ummmm, Dorothy?"  Duo tried to get her attention.   He pulled off her earphones and tried again.   "Dorothy!"

She bolted up into a sitting position and almost smacked her head against Duo's.   Duo muttered something about women's habits of bolting up in bed, while Dorothy mumbled something about her gun.

Duo took a deep breath, "Dorothy, I won't be able to meet you tonight.   I have plans with Hilde, I'm sorry…"

"Meet me tonight?   What _are _you talking about?"

"Ya know, the note."

"Note?   I think you've confused me with someone else."   She put her earphones back on and started to ignore a puzzled Duo.

Currently the writer of the note was sitting in the lounge drinking coffee.   Sally came in with the love-letter in her hand and poured herself a glass and joined Trowa at the table.   She put the letter on the table upside-down and took a sip of her coffee.   Wufei stopped out side the door and called in the question of whither anyone had seen Quatre or not.   Both of them shook their heads in a negative reply and went on to drink their carburetor-fluid like coffee.

Trowa was brooding so it took him a bit longer to finish his.   Sally had left and he filled up his cup again.   He spilled it a bit and looked around for a coaster to put the cup on.   He noticed the piece of paper on the table.   If he only would have looked at it he could have saved himself a great deal of trouble.    Instead he just placed his cup on it and slid it towards him.   This annoying woman named Sarah looked in the room, spotted Trowa, and stopped whatever she was doing to go join her idol.    

Trowa almost spilled the coffee/carburetor-fluid all over himself as someone squealed behind him and snaked their arms around him in a sort of Heimlich-remover hug.    A that point he knew exactly who it was, the annoying pest who was convinced he was in love with her.   He wasn't in love with her; it wasn't her he had left the note for.   He put up with her annoying chatter about plans for their wedding for a few minutes before taking off.

"I have to go.  Why don't you wash that cup for me."   He said a bit hurriedly before he sped walked out the door.   The girl looked starry eyed at the cup for a moment before picking it up.   She peeled the letter off of the bottom of the cup and read it in pure delight.   He did love her; she had been beginning to doubt it.  

The cup and the letter lay forgotten on the table.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*

This is the first installment of my Valentine's Day special fic.   Watch out for chapters 2 and 3 coming soon.   It will all be up before Valentine's Day for getting it out after would defeat the whole purpose.   I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.   If you liked it why not check out my other stories;

1) This Is Not My Day (GW)

2) Must I Kill You?  (GW)

3) The Clinic's Therapy   (GW)

4) Preventor Grapevine (GW)

5) Shadow Man, The Dawn (CCS)

6) Clow Tablets, A Journey Around The World (CCS)

Thank You for reading and please review.


	2. Eccentric Evening-meal

A couple of hours had passed, who knows where the letter had been by this time.   It was finally suppertime in the big mansion and the letter had not reached any of the other Gundam Pilots or the girls.

Thus Starts:  **_Valentine's Day Showdown_**

Ch. 2; Eccentric Evening-meal 

It was finally suppertime, 5:30pm; Relena had invited everyone to a private Valentine's Day meal in her grand dinning-hall.   Milliardo and Noin, her brother and sister in-law, had flown in to join them and had naturally taken the places at the ends of the large table.   Relena, Hilde and Heero were next to wander in after a full day of shopping.    They rather would have sat up on Noin's end of the vast table but Milliardo had waylaid them into sitting by him.   They all knew full well that Heero and Milliardo would be in a heated disagreement before dessert.   It may be sooner than that if the others didn't show up soon.

Wufei popped his head in the room and asked if anyone had seen Quatre, at the negative reply he was about to continue on his search when he noticed Heero was sitting on Milliardo's left side.   He realized this would probably be the most entertainment he had all month and sat down next to Noin, on the same side of the table Heero was on.   

Heero kept glancing at Relena in confusion.   There was something he was trying to figure out but the solution kept eluding him.    Relena's expression matched his in confusion, but she was only confused as to why he kept looking at her in confusion. (Is anyone confused by that sentence?)

Milliardo, bewildered to why Heero kept looking at his sister was getting extremely angry and protective, as brothers do.   He would have confronted Heero about it but he promised Noin he wouldn't pick any fights, or he supposed it was the couch for him.    He looked down the long table to his beautiful wife and decided not making a scene was worth it if it made her happy.   

Duo wandered into the room exclaiming he was there so it was time to eat.   He quickly apologized as Hilde shot him an exasperated look, one that said she would kill him if he did it again.   He sat across from his furious girl and grin cheezily at her.   She couldn't help but stop pretending to be angry and smile back to him.

Dorothy, Catherine, and Sally strolled into the room next and took their spots in the obvious pattern developing.   Sally looked a bit surprised that Wufei not only showed up without force but had also gotten there before she did.   Maybe he was turning over a new leaf.    

"Do you have my surprise yet Wufei?"   She knew she was goading him but she didn't believe he had anything planned - at all.

"Of course I do Onna, don't be so impatient.   I'm as cool as a cucumber, and I'm the one waiting for it to arrive.   That reminds me, have you seen Quatre."   Sally shook her head no and he repeated the question to everyone else at the table.   At their negative replies he started to complain about how hard it could be to find a rich Gundam pilot.

At this time the pilot in question was breathing into a paper bag.   His best friend Trowa was leaning over his shoulder in worry.   He had just pulled his hyperventilating friend out of his floral shop of a car.   Trowa had quickly pulled his new hair products out of a paper bag and handed it to his friend to breath in and out of.

*Inhale*

"What happened?"

*Exhale*  "I think I may be allergic to roses." *Sneezes.*

Trowa sympathetically patted his friend on the shoulder as the poor blonde finally got control of his lungs.   They realized they were late for supper but Quatre's health was more important than the girls' wrath.   They knew Relena wouldn't be upset but Dorothy, Catherine, and maybe even Duo would be.  

Trowa had wanted to fix his hair with a shiny new shampoo to signify the occasion, hence the paper bag with hair products in it.   He turned around to pick up his new hair products only to find they weren't there.   He did catch a glimpse of a mangy little puppy running away with something that looked suspiciously like a shampoo bottle in its mouth. 

Grumbling about stupid dogs he turned around and helped his buddy into the house.   As they neared the dinning room they heard Wufei demanding to know where the 'heck' Quatre was.   They passed a gilded mirror hanging in the hallway and Quatre gasped at his disheveled appearance.   He whipped a comb out of deep blue Nike spring jacket and ran it through his disarray of hair, he then flipped his hair over and re-messed it up so it didn't look like he had been out in a hurricane, just sexily windblown.   Trowa growled something about people thinking he was bad with his hair.   To let truth be known the only Gundam pilot who didn't care about his appearance was Heero, and girls flocked all over him for it.

Just as they sat down for supper the grandfather clock in the hallway chimed for six o'clock.   It was as if it was foreboding this would be the craziest meal they had yet this year.    This prediction also included the Christmas meal where Quatre stripped on a table.  (Read This Is Not My Day for more) A shiver went through the spines of everyone at the table for no apparent reason.

Finally the appetizers came, Relena had left the decision for the food up to her cook, and she only said to try to find romantic food.    And that would be the reason pink oyster soup was set in front of them.    Relena looked down at the dyed pink substance and took a dainty sip off of her spoon.

Down the table Wufei was stubbornly claiming he would not eat anything pink in colour.   He was NOT a woman!   Everyone else seemed to be eating normally until we got to Duo; he was practically inhaling his soup.   Hilde was looking at Duo with a slight grin on her face.   She leaned over and whispered in Relena's ear.

"Remember that article in last month's Cosmo about if you were going to get to a man through his stomach you should use certain foods that are stimulants?"

"Oh yes, I'd forgotten about that.   Aphrodisiac foods I think they're called."   She looked at her food.   "Oh dear, one of them was oysters wasn't it?"

"I think it was, do you think this is intentional?"

"We'll have to see what else is served,  I didn't mean this when I said romantic."

Heero looked at the soup he had just been enjoying moments before.   He should have learned by now not to read lips when women decided to whisper to each other, the things they usually said were things he didn't really want to know.   They were whispering for a reason he reminded himself, it was completely his fault he was now disgusted by his food.    He pushed his bowl away from him around the same time Relena did.

Duo had convinced Wufei to let him have the swordsman's strangely coloured soup.   On his way back to his seat with the full bowl in his hands, Duo almost tripped over his own two feet.   He stopped the soup from spilling but accidentally pushed Trowa's head into his soup.   Trowa came up sputtering with little pieces of oyster dripping off of his bangs.   It took three napkins to wipe it all off.    

Duo finished Wufei's soup in record time; he then started in on Heero's bowl that was sitting neglected next to him.    Hilde was barely keeping herself from laughing, Relena was shaking her head in amusement, and Heero was looking at Duo in repulsion. 

"Duo, you do realize there are other courses after this one right?"

"Of course I do!   I just love chicken soup."

Relena and Hilde started to cough simultaneously, trying to hide the fact they were laughing; Heero shook his head in pity.    Duo sighed and pushed away his third plate as the kitchen staff came and changed the dishes.    The main course was just as girlishly colored as the appetizers were.    Wufei grumbled about it may as well be dyed green and it would be like green-eggs and ham.   Relena did not like this insult on her cook's judgment for romantic food, even though she was starting to question it herself.

The steak wasn't well done, giving it a pinkish tinge on the inside, all except Milliardo, whose steak was burnt to a crisp.   So much so it crumbled when he tried to cut it.   He quickly switched plates with Heero, who pretended he didn't notice because he was too busy looking at Relena.   Heero popped a piece of charred steak in his mouth, chewed, swallowed and looked a bit delighted at the taste.

He looked at Relena and mouthed, "Just like ZERO use to cook it."    Relena winked and mouthed back she was glad he liked it.   Relena took a bite of baked potatoes with veins of red running through it just as a plopping sound was heard from down the table.    They all looked at Trowa just in time to see his bangs collapse and smash his forkful of rose tinted cauliflower against his burgundy turtleneck sweater.   

Duo turned around fast, laughing his butt off at his friend and his braid swung across the table and smacked Hilde in the head.   It came back around and hit a blinded Trowa smack in his hair-covered face.    As if the hand of humour and bad luck was the thing to slap Trowa in the face the next happenings were of ill-grace and bad luck, two things of which Trowa is usually known to lack.

To prevent himself from falling Trowa grabbed on to the chairs of his friends on either side of him.   He was lucky to be able to see the chairs through his collapsed bangs, maybe he had retained a bit of his luck today.    The occupants in the chairs on either side of him had not expected this and therefore went down with Trowa, today just wasn't Trowa's day.    Each of his friends grabbed on to the chair beside them.    This resulted in four of them falling down and Heero jumping to his feet quickly.

A chair broke, a plate smashed and somehow a steak flew through the air and landed on Quatre's head.   Four pride wounded pilots staggered to their feet and righted their chairs.   Wufei, not noticing his was broken sat back down in it and collapsed as hard as Trowa's hair did.    Milliardo picked up his wine glass and gulped down the sweet liquid.    Today was going to be one of those days.

They got through the next part of the meal with a minimal amount of problems.     Trowa had tucked his bangs behind his ears and continue to eat as if nothing had happened.     Milliardo had drunk a great deal of wine to block out the happenings in the room, especially his sister and rival making love-stricken eyes at each other, and as a result was quite tipsy.

Dessert came along as large plates filled with strawberry cheesecake, chocolate mousse and real chocolates and strawberries smothered atop the delight.    Duo's eyes grew wide and he almost swooned with love.   Hilde muttered to Relena if only he would look at her like that.    Relena suggested she make herself into a walking dessert just for him.    The thought was pondered.

Relena picked a chocolate off her plate and leaned across the table.   She held it up daintily between two fingers and offered it to Heero.

"Here.   I know it's your favorite."    Heero brought her hand to his mouth and bit into the chocolate.     His tongue flicked out and slid between her fingers, bringing the tips and all the chocolate into his mouth.    Relena made a cute little purring sound in the back of her throat and down the table some of the girls sighed in envy.    Milliardo saw red.    He stood up quickly to confront Heero and instead collapsed drunk into his creamy dessert.    Noin sighed and helped her husband to his feet; it was time for someone to go to bed.    On her way out of the room she winked at Relena, urging her to continue, but the moment seemed to be lost.

Duo had finished inhaling his sweets and had started to pick at Relena's.   Heero swatted his hand away twice until Relena finally took pity on the hungry fool and handed her dish over.    Duo started to make short work of it as Relena sat back and surveyed the table.

"I have a great idea.    Why don't we girls go do a little girl bonding and a few manicures while you guys have a few hours to yourself?    Then we can meet up later."   Encouraging sounds were made around the room, coupled with the sound of Duo slurping a drop of chocolate mousse off his chin.    So the girls left the table and headed for Relena's mini-health spa and the guys all went their separate ways, except for Duo, who started to eat the leftovers around the table.

Heero ran out the door, hopped in his car and sped away from the castle as fast as he legally (ok, illegally) could.    Quatre was busy in a conversation about the evils of hair gel with Trowa, so Wufei wandered out the door.    What met his eye had him almost screaming for joy.    In the backseat of some fancy car parked in the driveway were at least 12 dozen roses.     Wufei hurried over, believing the roses were a gift from the gods.     He stepped on a bottle of hail-gel and it squirted up his pant leg.    The stuff was evil!   

A little puppy ran up and bit Wufei's pant leg.   For all his gruffness he did have a soft spot for canines, and he didn't want to hurt the poor thing too badly by kicking it off.     The cute little thing let go soon and sniffed Wufei's leg.    Wufei grunted and reached down to pet it.     Before he could blink the puppy lifted his leg and peed all over the now pissed-off irate man. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is the second installment of my Valentine's Day special fic.   Watch out for chapter 3 coming soon.   I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.   If you liked it why not check out my other stories;

1) This Is Not My Day (GW)

2) Must I Kill You?  (GW)

3) The Clinic's Therapy   (GW)

4) Preventor Grapevine (GW)

5) Shadow Man, The Dawn (CCS)

6) Clow Tablets, A Journey Around The World (CCS)

7) I'm Not In Love With Heero Yuy!!   (GW)

8) Everything I Do   (GW)

Thank You for reading and please review.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

For more hilarious excitement read This Is Not My Day…. NEW CHAPTER COMPLETE.


	3. Slippery Silentnight

Hilde looked down at the skimpy bikini she was wearing. She rubbed her freezing arms and laid down on the bed in a seductive pose. "Are you sure this will work?"  
  
Thus Starts: Valentine's Day Showdown Ch. 2; Slippery Silent-Night  
  
"Positive." Relena picked up a can of whip-cream and started to cover the bikini with the spray. Hilde yelped and jumped up. The cream slid off her and landed on Relena's foot.  
  
"Darn that stuff is cold."  
  
"These shoes cost me $450!"  
  
"What kind of idiot wears 450 dollar shoes while using whip cream?" Dorothy looked down at her $700 Gucci shoes and slid them off.  
  
"Well excuse me Ms. Wal-Mart, but some of us have appearances to keep up." Relena kicked the shoes off. "You can have them."  
  
Hilde picked up the whip-creamed shoe and wiped off the cream, the shoe gleamed like new. "Hey, thanks." She slipped the shoes on and laid back down. Relena started with the cream again as Catherine started to style her hair.  
  
Catherine yanked a comb through a knot and Hilde bolted up again. Whipped-cream slid onto Relena's foot.  
  
This was going to be a long night.  
  
Meanwhile Heero cantered through the doors of the mall. He spotted the shop he wanted and ran in. He picked up an item off the shelf and asked for the price.  
  
"How much?"  
  
At that moment Wufei was gloating to himself as he set up a little surprise in his room. He looked around in distaste as he backed out. He quickly slammed the door before anyone could see in and put a piece of tape on the frame so no one would sneak in without his knowledge. Thanks to his suspicious nature, if he didn't turn the key to the right, then the left to unlock it a picture was taken of the person trying to enter and an alarm goes off on his cell phone. It was very creative, but unfortunately he never remembered to put film in, or bring his phone with him.  
  
Sally painted her nails a blood red and looked over at Relena and Catherine working on Hilde. "Do you think we should tell them it would be better to do this in Duo's room, I don't think Duo will think to come in Hilde's room tonight."  
  
Dorothy filed her nails. "Let's wait until they're done." She blew lightly on her nails and thought of various ways to torture Trowa incase he didn't have anything special planned for tonight. 'Hmmm, torture.' She thought. 'It sounds erotically fun. Well for me anyway.'  
  
Duo licked the last bowl on the table. His stomach rumbled in protest as he headed for the kitchen to find more. The only plate left untouched by his was the one Milliardo had fallen into. I mean, who knows where that man's face has been.  
  
Relena and Catherine finally finished the concoction called Hilde. She looked scrumptious, and Duo would never be able to resist her. Hilde's nose started to itch and she frantically tried to find a way to scratch it.  
  
"You guys, I'm going to sneeze. Someone do something."  
  
"Scratch her nose!" Relena looked at Dorothy.  
  
"I'm not doing it, you dressed her, and so you help her."  
  
Relena held up her dessert-smeared hands in Dorothy's face. "Does it look like I can do much scratching at the moment? I'll just stick more stuff up her nose."  
  
Dorothy looked repulsed as she stepped close to Hilde to scratch her nose. She paused for a moment to figure out her plan of action then stepped in for the swipe. She peered close to her nose to see if she could see a spot that looked itchier than others. Relena hit her head and muttered she should have gotten Sally to do it.  
  
Dorothy's face was now a few inches from Hilde's nose and she still hadn't touched it yet. She reached out to tentatively touch the nose as Hilde sneezed hard in her face. Dorothy lost her balance and put her hand on Hilde's shoulder to support herself. The whipped-cream acted like a lubricant and Dorothy fell face first onto Hilde.  
  
Hilde started to squirm, trying to get out from under Dorothy. The cream spread and soon both girls were slimy, and neither could get up. Dorothy started to threaten everyone in the room, telling them of the precise, painful torture she was going to put then all through.  
  
Relena couldn't support herself anymore as she fell on her knees laughing. Dorothy didn't look particularly threatening at the moment. Catherine quickly grabbed a camera and figured she could send a picture to everyone on April Fool's. maybe title it Women Wrestling in Whipped-cream and hope they thought it was porn before opening it. Hilde popped out from between the plastic covered bed and a slippery Dorothy. She slid off the bed like a bar of soap slides out from between slick fingers. She landed in a dessert pile at the foot of the bed, Dorothy started to flop around like a fish out of water, and Relena was gasping for air in her mirth.  
  
Sally, not as amused as Relena, stepped over to the bed and grabbed Dorothy by the lapel. Her foot slid on a glob of cream and she was flung back. Dorothy couldn't hold on to anything and she flew through the air and crashed into a chair. Relena was near death from lack of breath. She managed to squeak out in her mirth a few word. "I guess we need more whipped-cream."  
  
Elsewhere Heero was just stepping back into the castle. He met Duo walking out of the dinning room licking his fingers. Duo gaped in surprise and fingered the bag.  
  
"Is that what I think it is?"  
  
Heero whisked out his gun and held it to Duo's chest. "No."  
  
"It sure looks like it. How can it not be?"  
  
"It's a cover for an arsenal of new hp2343 laser-machine guns."  
  
"Oh. That's a disappointment. I thought I had news to tell everyone."  
  
"Hn. Dream on." Heero walked away, silently chuckling to himself. Man, was Duo ever gullible. A weapon arsenal my ass, he smirked.  
  
He noticed Relena walking down the stairs and flung himself into a closet. As darkness settled he heard Duo exclaim to Relena that she looked good enough to eat.  
  
"Thanks Duo, I'll keep that in mind if I ever want you to eat me."  
  
"What are you doing, trying to tempt Heero into taking a bite of you."  
  
"No, nothing erotic. Us girls are just having a whipped cream fight." Heero peaked out the door and saw Relena's face covered in cream and a smushed strawberry. "I have to go get more cream, see ya later Duo."  
  
Upstairs Dorothy stalked out of Hilde's bedroom in search for a bath. The heel on her shoe broke and she twisted her ankle. Looking down she spotted a crumpled piece of paper stuffed into the corner. She pulled it out and read the pathetic poem. At least someone was going to have a romantic evening by the fountain. It seemed like she wasn't going to have a romantic evening at all.  
  
She picked up her shoe and threw it at the wall. A yelp came from the shadows and Trowa stepped out into the light. He reached over and pulled a chocolate out of her hair and popped it in his mouth.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"I'm going to go take a long shower then curl up in bed with a romance book."  
  
"That's only until out date tonight, right?"  
  
"Date??" She squealed and jumped on him. Her arms snaked around his neck as she clung. "You're the best Trowa."  
  
Trowa looked down at the cream coating on both of them. "How about we forfeit the date and just go take a shower?"  
  
Dorothy trailed a stream of cream down his nose. "That sounds better."  
  
At that moment Quatre had Catherine by the hand and was leading her down the front steps.  
  
"What did you get me Quatre?"  
  
"You'll see; it's just around this corner." Quatre had made sure before he came outside that he had taken all the allergy medication he owned. As a result he was dull-witted and tired. As his precious car came in view he could tell something was wrong, but he wasn't sure what it was.  
  
"Here it is."  
  
Catherine stared in awe. She then squealed in delight and threw herself at the car. For a moment Quatre's mind cleared and it dawned on him that he had a real problem on his hands.  
  
"Oh, Quatre. You bought me a car." She ran her hand down the hood. "It's so beautiful."  
  
"But." He stammered.  
  
"And it is such a nice touch to put a subtle scent of roses in it. I was just expecting something boring like a few dozen roses. But this is so much better." She smiled widely at him.  
  
"There's some mistake."  
  
"A mistake?" She whispered. "You mean this car isn't for me?"  
  
Quatre reviewed the pros and cons in his mind and came to a quick conclusion. "No, the car is for you. The smell doesn't belong though. You see- I'm allergic to roses."  
  
She launched herself at him and kissed him hard on the lips. She then held out her hand and he reluctantly handed over the keys.  
  
"I can finally get rid of that old clunker, its not working very well anymore." Quatre whimpered when he looked at her 3 month old car that was dented at every angle and pictured his beautiful car like that in no time. He looked at his terror on wheels girlfriend's happy face and decided it was all worth it.  
  
"Lets go for a drive." She held up the keys. Quatre winced. Ok, almost worth it.  
  
Sally heard the squeal of tires and a crunch from outdoors as she reached her room. Taped to the door was a note that said, ' My room NOW, woman.' She hit her head against the wall. Well at least Mr. Unromantic got points for trying. But she swore if his idea of a romantic gift was a weapon from his vast collection- she wouldn't hesitate to use it on him.  
  
Her hand slid onto his doorknob just as he flung it open. He grabbed her arm and whirled her inside. The room was completely dark and she figured he should get more points for trying to get the right atmosphere. His fingers found the light switch and she blinked in surprise a few times.  
  
"Oh my."  
  
He smirked.  
  
"OH my GOD!"  
  
He felt particularly pleased with himself. Tears welled up in her eyes as she viewed the room chalk-full of roses. Wufei panicked when he saw the tears and mistook them for anger.  
  
"Uh. You can have one of my weapons. I'll even let you pick this time."  
  
She put her hand on his chest. "No, Wufei. I love the roses. It's just so overwhelming. You must have been planning this for months. Besides, if I get another weapon gift from you I swear I'll use it to cause bodily harm."  
  
Wufei winced at the close call and for the first time wondered where all those roses came from. Sally then smiled sweetly and opened the door.  
  
"I bought you a gift too." She whistled. Soon the padding of feet could be heard coming down the hall. The little puppy trotted into the room and sniffed Wufei's leg.  
  
"Oh no you don't." He picked up the little dog and handed it to a cooing Sally. He didn't think he was ever going to get the smell of pee out of his pants.  
  
Meanwhile Relena had finished Hilde again, just not as elegant this time. She was sick of whipped-cream and just wanted to go to bed. Instead she was stuck waiting in the hall for Duo to make an appearance so she could coerce him to go into Hilde's room, or all the work she had done would be in vain.  
  
A half an hour after she started her vigil Catherine came along helping a wheezing Quatre upstairs. Quatre was muttering about whole bottles of medicine not helping, and his car driving into a floral shop. Relena grinned in sympathy and continued to wait for Duo.  
  
An hour later he stumbled upstairs with the hair in his braid coming out in little wisps. It looked like he had fallen asleep on the couch.  
  
"Hey Relena, what time is it? I fell asleep on the dining room table."  
  
"I'd say around 11:30. Could you please go into Hilde's room and wish her a Happy Valentine's day before you go to sleep again?"  
  
His stomach rumbled and he looked passed Relena to Hilde's door. "Have you been waiting here for me?"  
  
"Ah, no."  
  
"Ok." He walked to the door and Relena headed to her room, exhausted.  
  
He opened the door and slipped in. Hilde looked up from her bed and smiled seductively. "Hey babe. Care for a bite?"  
  
Duo put her hand over his mouth and ran into the bathroom. Hilde started to cry as she listened to Duo throw up in the toilet. He came out looking like a little boy who was naughty and looked at the tears sliding down her face.  
  
"I'm sorry Hilde. I had too much to eat." He then collapsed onto her whipped-cream covered body and fell asleep.  
  
At this point Relena opened the door to her room. She looked at the few candles lit and Heero asleep in a chair. She smiled and trailed a finger down his strong jaw-line. She collapsed onto his lap and fell asleep in his safe embrace.  
  
One by one people trickled into the courtyard to stand by the fountain. When the clock struck 12 there had to be 50 people out there waiting for a loved one. Sarah stood up atop the cascading structure and called for Trowa.  
  
"Trowa, Trowa, where art thou Trowa?" Someone threw a stick at her and she fell into the water. A riot started when someone exclaimed that this must be someone's idea of a joke. They came at Sarah welding flowers and candy boxes. She backed away right into the arms of a Trowa impersonator. The man swooped her up into his arms and ran out of the courtyard, his cape billowing behind him.  
  
The riot calmed down as someone pointed to a security camera and yelled. "Look, we've just been X'ed."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
A little old lady jumped up from the crowd. "Yes, I'm Jamie Kennedy and this is my new show, the Jamie Kennedy eXperiment."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"It's a remake of Candid Camera."  
  
"Oh."  
  
The appeased crowd left; some picked up a date on their way. There would be a lot of "I'm ____. What's your name?" 's the next morning.  
  
In Relena's room Heero awoke to find Relena cuddled in his lap. He looked at her fondly and shook her awake. Her eyes blinked open just as he effortlessly picked her up and carried her over to her boudoir.  
  
"May I ask you a question Relena?" He set her on her feet.  
  
"Of course."  
  
He opened the boudoir to reveal a beautiful gown hung within. "Will you marry me?"  
  
Relena ran her hand over the gorgeous silk concoction and started to cry. "You bought me the wedding dress we saw this afternoon." She buried her head in his shoulder and clung to him. "God I love you Heero."  
  
He placed a feathery light kiss on her lips. "Well I got the dress, so I guess I love you too." He didn't mention he had gone to 5 different stores to find the right one. "So will you marry me or not?"  
  
"MMMmmmm, of course." She brought his head down and met his lips with hers.  
  
The door closes on the hopelessly romantic scene as Milliardo woke up in horror. His wife looked at him and murmured. "What is it this time?"  
  
"I had a nightmare that Heero just proposed to my little sister, and she was stupid enough to say yes. Some hogwash about being in love."  
  
"Sounds nice. I bet his proposal was more romantic than you sticking a ring on my gun just before we infiltrated a base."  
  
"He gave her a wedding dress. Can you believe the gall? The man isn't normal I tell you."  
  
"I think its romantic."  
  
Back in Relena's room she snuggled up beside Heero in bed and admired the beautiful engagement ring he had slipped on her finger while they were otherwise engaged. It was all so perfect- the ring, the dress, the presentation, and of course the man.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
AH HA.. And a year later I finally finish it!!! I hope you all enjoyed my romantic ideas, and not so romantic ideas in some cases. As I have learned from experience, V-Day isn't always a joyous occasion, but once in a while someone can surprise you with their thoughtfulness. *Not that anyone has ever surprised me.*  
  
Please review.  
  
Read my other fics if your interested:  
  
This Is Not My Day (GW) Clinic's Therapy (GW) Everything I Do (GW) Preventor's Grapevine (GW) I Am Not In Love With Heero Yuy (GW) Clow Tablets (CCS) Shadow Man; The Dawn (CCS)  
  
Visit my site @ http://www.geocities.com/relenafanel to read or submit some Hilarious/Romantic Gundam Wing Stories. E-mail me @ relenafanel@hotmail.com 


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